Still Alive!

I keep thinking I would post and then I just run out of motivation. Four kids, a full time job and I am just too tired to put a sentence together.... and then there is Facebook. I post a lot to FB. It's quick, it's easy and it doesn't take too much thought. We have been....busy. The best news is the Baby Boy is a keeper! Parental rights were terminated in March, just shy of one year. I have been a foster parent a long time and have never had a case go so quickly. It will be a while before adoption, but he is worth the wait. :0) My busy little kindergartener loves school. She loves homework, she loves her teacher and she is very popular with the other kids. She has two "BFF's" and they are so sweet together My big boy has his share of struggles, but he has improved so much this year. He was in Title 1 reading and improved so much, he was moved out of that program and reads at grade level.He does have some attention problems and behavior that stems from that, but he is taking a small dose of medication and it helps him alot. My biggest struggle has been my 14 year old. She has put me through an emotional wringer. Depression, acting out, drug use, hospitalization... the works. I am doing all I can to help her, but sometimes it never seems like it's enough. We have thought about moving,grandma needs her own space and we definitely need more space. I am not sure if I can make it happen but I am going to keep looking and praying. I am still a foster parent, although I told them they can only call me for 1 more kid, lol. I dont' have any more room in my van. I don't know if I would really take another kiddo, but if I felt that is what the Lord was leading me to, who am I to stand in his way?

Tradition

I have to admit that I am not always consistent with my kids. Sometimes (rarely) when I say no and they whine enough, I give in just to distract them or keep them quiet. We don't have a lot of routines in our days, we don't always get our books read before bed, or our teeth brushed or prayer said if it is realy late.

We don't have our yearly Christmas cookie baking day and we don't do Easter baskets or egg hunts the same way every year. In short, I like to mix it up a little and am not really a girl who always follows the same traditions.

EXCEPT.....The Great Pumpkin Patch in Arthur, IL. Every year (except one where we went to Black Bart's) we take a 1 1/2 hour drive to the pumpkin patch. We have been going since Amanda was 2. Every. Year.

We have taken friends, respite kids, some years strollers, some years two strollers! last year NO strollers, we have worn shorts some years and winter coats in others. We walk around the puddles, through the maze and eat pumpkin cookies, pumpkin ice cream and kettle corn. This year was no exception, it was cold and windy and sunny and we had a wonderful time. I wonder how many more years my kids will still think this is fun? As for me, I will keep going until I am taking my great grandkids. It's our family tradition!

Back to the daily grind

I am so tired today. It was my first day at my new job and after being home for almost 14 months, it was hard to get back into the swing of things. Baby Boy is in daycare for the first time. I have very mixed emotions about this. Ben and Caitlyn will be going to the same center after school starting next week. Unfortunately, Amanda will be coming home after school by herself. I am not looking forward to the trouble this may cause. Baby Boy's caseworker came out last week and said that they go back to court in December and if mom has not shown up for visits in all this time, he will move to expedite termination. ( I will believe it when I see it) Discussions have begun on renaming our darling boy I hope I survive this.

So, court happened....

Baby Boy's caseworker came by today for ther monthly visit and let me know that they had court (finally everyone showed up, except mom of course) and the judge said that if she did not visit by the next time they have court they will expedite termination! WOW.

6 months

This little fellow is 6 months old!  As you can see, he has two little teeth poking through on the bottom.  As you can also see, this baby is a chubbers!  It is a little different for me to have a chubby baby as my last two are still so very tiny.
This guy can roll  over from tummy to back, but cries while he does it.  He is not going the other direction yet but we are working on it.
He is loving all his solid foods, even the yucky green veggies and yummy mango and prunes. 
He is also working hard a sitting up by himself but leans a bit, hee hee.
He may have to start PT for a little while due to some weakness on his left side but nothing major.
He is almost completely weaned off of his phenobarbital (yay) and has not had any seizures. (Praise God)
He is verbal, loud and I'm working on "momma" and some sign language too.
His birthmother has not seem him in almost a month.  If she does not visit on the next scheduled day, she is off the visitation schedule once again.  sigh.  this is the strangest case.  I think the case worker wants to expedite the case, but every time they go to court the DCFS investigator does not show up so they have to reschedule.  annoying. Thankfully, in my state, neither the boy nor I have to attend.
I am not sure when or what will happen with this case.  I do know I was not expecting to adopt a fourth baby when I decided to renew my foster license, but obviously God had other plans (and a great sense of humor) 

Summing up July

It is too hot!   The end.

ok,  there was a little more to it, but not much.  It really has been too hot to do anything.  The kids are bored, I am bored and we can only go to so many "field trips" to the sporting goods store, Target or the library just to get out of the house. 

Fortunately, school starts in a month and the other day we went school supply shopping (just to get out of the house).  I almost cried at that total with three kids in school*sigh*  I am still looking for a job and hope to be back to work when the kids go back to school.

Bean is growing and doing great.  He had an EEG in June and it was normal so the neurologist is having me wean him off the phenobarbital and so far so good.  He is up to 15.7 lbs at six months (not bad for a failure to thrive baby)  His mom has only visited one time in the past month even after she threw a fit to have her visits reinstated. Court is ... today.  Hopefully, someone will call me and let me know how that went.  although I am not holding my breath.

Amanda has been taking Zoloft for a while now and I see some improvement, but also some other bad behaviors are coming to light.  Ugh.

So far summer has sucked.  It has been too hot to do anything, not to mention no money for vacation and having the baby makes just getting up and going a little more difficult.  We have done a few fun things,(see pictures above)   but I am hoping next summer is better. 

Feeling blue

Sometimes being a single mom of four kids sucks. Sometimes dealing with two kids who usually get along but today they fought. all. day. long, sucks.  sometimes dealing with a 13 year old with RAD in a rage sucks (ok, that one always sucks).  Having to do EVERYTHING myself really sucks.  I know I signed up for this and most days I am strong enough to handle it, but today I am weak.  I am tired and sad and overwhelmed.  This is the first time ever that I have been home with the kids for the summer.

 It has only been a month and I am sooooooo ready for them to go back to school and me to go back to work.  I miss my schedule, I miss my quiet time, I miss grown up friends.  I just can't seem to get anything done.  The house is a mess, I think I forgot to comb Caitlyn's hair for two days and the caseworker is coming tomorrow to visit with Baby Boy (who is doing great!) and I haven't vacuumed in. uh..... I don't remember how long.

I am super concerned about the above mentioned 13 year old and how much longer I can take this (seriously at the end of today's rope) lying, stealing, hoarding, ummm shall we say inappropriate dress, language and action.  The dr. just started her on Zoloft two weeks ago in addition to everything else.  It was a low dose and I have seen no improvement, so today they upped her to double.  Scared about those side effects, but hoping something takes away her anger so I don't feel like I have to protect the other children from her.

Worried about my littles.  I hate spending so much time indoors, but it is way too hot to be outside for long and all they want to do is play Wii or watch tv. I am trying to be creative and keep them occupied (cheaply since I am unemployed) but I am not a good enough juggler to keep this circus running.

Lucky for me:


Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, 
    for his compassions never fail. 
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Sorry for this downer post, but I am trying to keep it real. someday I hope to look back, read this and praise God I survived.