I can't.........

When I put my mind to something I really want to do, I truly feel that I will accomplish it.  I wanted to adopt.  Things didn't go the way I planned originally, but I did adopt.  If I wanted a new job, I simply got a new one.  I thought it would be a good idea to buy a house, by myself, and I did it.  But for the past few years, nothing has gone like that.  I started a job that I initially loved, I was good at it.  but then a year into it something went terribly wrong.  It turned into a nightmare with a boss who berated and threatened me.  Sad thing is, I see him at church almost every Sunday.  We moved to Rochester thinking that the schools would be so great for Amanda.  It really has not worked out that way.  I don't love the schools, I don't love the church we go to (I like it, but there is no real connection for me). I quit my job thinking I would open a home daycare for a few years, but chickened out and took a job that I like but don't love.  I wanted to finish my degree, so I started taking classes again.  I don't like it, I am not doing as well as I would like and I just don't have enough time for anything.  I feel like I am failing at everything.  I remember a time when I felt JOY, not just happiness, but true God given, Holy Spirit JOY.  I don't know what happened to it, I don't know how to get it back.  I don't know what to do..........I feel like I am stuck  and treading water just waiting for I don't know what...