Waiting

I feel like I am always waiting.  I don't like waiting.  Waiting for the right guy, waiting for the right job, for the license, for the kids before I got them, for the kids now that I have them, for a sign that I am doing the right thing, to hear from God (again), for the right guy, for something truely amazing to happen to me.... the list goes on and on.

Most days I am ok with the wait knowing that God's timing is better than mine.  But some days, I just want to act impulsively just so something happens.  I don't anymore because I have seen the foolishness of this urge.

But there are days, oh. those. days., when I second guess every decision I have ever made, when the waiting is unbearable.  That "right" guy, he's not coming and it kills me that my kids won't know what it's like to have a dad.  That "right" job, well since I quit my job to stay home and homeschool Amanda and run a home daycare, I am not sure that is ever going to happen either.  and no, I am not sure that this was the best idea, but I didn't really have a choice if I think about the alternative which just wasn't working. 

That sign from God?  I am pursuing Him for that.  I have been reading (trying to read) a book by Pricilla Shirer called "Discerning the Voice of God", which is what I am trying to do.  I read and pray, and pray and read and yes, WAIT.  uuuggghh!  I hate waiting.  But really,what other choice do I have?

It's been a long month

I can't believe November is over.  Tomorrow is December 1st and I have so little to show for the last month.  I am still home.  Homeschooling has been a challenge and I am still trying to work out the kinks in our schedule.  Since I have to get up so early to get Ben off on the bus, I would like Amanda to get up and get going in the mornings.  That is not working.  She has been getting up between 9 and 10 and then lazes about for a while and we haven't been starting school until after Caitlyn leave on the bus at 12:30.  This does seem to be working better.  Amanda seems ready to start later and works pretty much straight through the afternoon.  I have to adjust my expectations and my schedule, but I think it is working.
I am re-evaluating my curriculum too.  I don't really like all of it and after the first of the year I think I will switch out the science.  I just don't feel like she is learning anything.  sigh

It may be that I homeschool Ben next year too. At his first parent teacher conference, his teacher is concerned with his attention skills and fine motor skills.   *sigh*  I am not going through all that again with him.  I think Caitlyn will do fine in school. she is a pleaser and likes to sit and listen and do papers.  all the things a teacher loves in a student , lol.  she is a smart one too.  I hope to have her reading by the time she goes to kindergarten.  we'll see.

I have not started my home daycare yet, I am still waiting for my license to come in.  I hit a snag and got delayed a little bit, but hopefully before the end of the year, I can start advertising.  My savings in shrinking, but I am confident that God will provide.  I am not panicking or looking for a job, I am content to wait on the Lord to show me what he has in store for me.  I truly love being home with Ben and Caitlyn after school and on holidays.  I feel like I am finally giving them the time they deserve and they are not being raised by a day care staff.

I had to switch my foster care license to another agency since Catholic Charities is getting out of the foster care arena.  Sad.  I have been home for 3 months and could have taken kids right away!  I am bummed, but again I trust in God's timing.  I still want to do foster care, I think me being home is the perfect opportunity to continue and take little ones.  I am hoping for babies. :-)

Well, with Christmas right around the corner, it is time to start thinking about how I am going to manage that.  More to come.

Happy Halloween!

I know I am a bit late in posting, but as usual in my life, I have too much to do.  I am 6 months away from finishing my degree (after 27 years!) and homework is heavy.  I am such a procrastinator that I spend most late nights and weekends just playing catch up.  Halloween was fun for the kids.  We went to a party on Friday night before and on the 31st, we made a quick trip around the block and were done.  I am not very excited about Halloween.  It is just too much effort for me and I hate having all that candy in the house. The kids are whinier and so am I.  Good thing it only comes once a year, right?!
I am still at home, waiting for my home daycare license to arrive so I can open for business.  I plan on running my daycare for the next two years while homeschooling Amanda, finishing my degree and being home after school and holidays with Ben and Caitlyn.  I am still a foster parent, but have not had a placement in so long and now Catholic Charities may be getting out of the foster care business. (long story involving the my dumb state)  I want to keep a few spaces open because I would like to be a foster parent for a few more years.
that sums it up for this month.  I am looking forward to the upcoming holidays and making memories with my kids and being so lucky in this season to be home with them. 

Busy busy

Change.  That is what life is about right?  Well I have been making some big changes around here.  First, i quit my job... again.  It isn't that i didn't like my job but something radical needed to be done.  So I quit, mostly to homeschool Amanda.  So far it has gone pretty well.  I asked her today if she liked it and she said yes.  We will see how long that lasts.  I am waiting for my home daycare license to come so I can start providing care for a few kids.  On top of that, I renewed my foster care license with Catholic Charities.  The bad thing is, I am not sure they will be in business very much longer.  *sigh*  I really have some longings for new wee ones.  It has been a year since my last placement. :-(  I found out that after my last placement, the licensing person put me on "hold"  for new placements!  I was not happy.  I told her I could take one at a time, but no more since I was working full time and the job was not very flexible.    But since I am home full time, now would be the perfect time to use me for babies who aren't old enough for day care.  (Oh, how I want a baby)  I am not sure exactly when the Catholic Charities issue will be resolved (that is a long story)  but I keep praying every day for a new placement.  Ben and Caitlyn are both so very good with little kids and Amanda has been improving in her willingess and helpfulness with the little kids.  I am anxiously waiting and praying....

  while I have been waiting I have been painting.  I painted Ben's room and pulled off trim in the front room and fixed a few patches where I pulled paint off th wall.  Ha ha, don't ask!  Ben likes his room and now he has bunk beds (perfect for more kids) and lots of room to play on the floor... and maybe even enough room for a crib...

The good, the bad and the ugly...

It has been a wild few weeks!  To start with, I quit my job.  yep,  I did it.  I had only been there for 2 years, but i didn't love it and I have many more important things on my mind. 
#1 Amanda - since last school year was dismal, this year I thought I would do something radical and homeschool her.  We started last week. We are adjusting.  Some days she is compliant... some days not. so. much.  She wants to be in control and we all know that's not gonna happen!
#2 Me - I am trying to finish my degree and I have so much homework and papers and everything, I cannot fit it all in to one day. 
#3 Also me - I want to continue being a foster parent and I can't really take any placements when I have to work and/or study all the time.  I had a licensing visit today with Catholic Charities ( and that is another whole dilemma)  Hopefully things will work out and I will soon get a baby (or two) :-)
# 4 Ben - Kindergarten is off with a bang.  I love being able to get him on the bus and be home when he gets off the bus.  I love being able to be outside with him and play and be home on no-school days. 
#5 Caitlyn - I am hoping that by being with me more, which she loves, her  bad habit of screaming and throwing tantrums would get under control.  No luck on that yet *sigh*
I have been gone from work almost a month and I don't feel too panicky yet.  I have some money saved and I have subsidy money coming in so I am staying afloat financially but i will need income soon.  The funny thing is I am NOT worried.  I have said from the first that I TRUST GOD to provide.  I am trusting him and trying to be obedient and I don't feel worried (yet, lol)

School

Well, it's that time again.  Summer is over and school has begun.  We are trying something a little different this year.  My little man went off on the school bus to kindergarten.  I was nervous, but I didn't cry.  Then a few hours later, the wee girl got on the bus to go off to preschool. She gets to go in the afternoon this year.  The day passed quickly, and soon enough they were hopping off the bus and ready to play.  the thing that is different?  I am home to put them on the bus and get them off the bus and I will be homeschooling Amanda.  Last year was a disaster for her.  Academically, socially, emotionally.  So I followed the prompting I felt in my heart and I left my job.  Crazy I know.  I have applied (again) for a home day care license and will take a few kids during the day.  I have also started some online research for a business I am interested in.  I am also completing my bachelors degree and renewing my foster care license.  So far, three days in it is going well.  I got Amanda's curriculum today and can't wait to dig into that.  Until then, I am painting Ben's room and getting the house set up.  Crazy, different, but good.

Vacation

Last week I took the kids on vacation.... just the three and me.  I have never taken all the kids on a vacation by myself before.  I usually take my mom along for some help and relief, but this year I figured A was big enough to help out and B and C were big enough to listen and not need to be carried everywhere and everyone is potty trained (haha)
We had a great time in Branson, MO.  The six hour trip down there was easy, no major problems or delays.  We stayed in a nice hotel right on the strip with two pools.  The kids got to swim every day, although we chose the indoor pool since at the outdoor pool Ben got about 20 bug bites.  By the day we left, they were jumping in over their heads.  We went to Silver Dollar City and the Dixie Stampede and every place else we could think of. 

On the day before we left, we headed up to Nixa, MO to see my dear friend Kristi and her family.  I haven't seen Kristi in about 15 years.  What fun to be with someone like you never left them.  We are kindred spirits she and I. :0)  The kids had fun just playing in the park even though it was ridiculously hot.  This vacation went so well, I may take them on another one next year.