Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Feeling blue

Sometimes being a single mom of four kids sucks. Sometimes dealing with two kids who usually get along but today they fought. all. day. long, sucks.  sometimes dealing with a 13 year old with RAD in a rage sucks (ok, that one always sucks).  Having to do EVERYTHING myself really sucks.  I know I signed up for this and most days I am strong enough to handle it, but today I am weak.  I am tired and sad and overwhelmed.  This is the first time ever that I have been home with the kids for the summer.

 It has only been a month and I am sooooooo ready for them to go back to school and me to go back to work.  I miss my schedule, I miss my quiet time, I miss grown up friends.  I just can't seem to get anything done.  The house is a mess, I think I forgot to comb Caitlyn's hair for two days and the caseworker is coming tomorrow to visit with Baby Boy (who is doing great!) and I haven't vacuumed in. uh..... I don't remember how long.

I am super concerned about the above mentioned 13 year old and how much longer I can take this (seriously at the end of today's rope) lying, stealing, hoarding, ummm shall we say inappropriate dress, language and action.  The dr. just started her on Zoloft two weeks ago in addition to everything else.  It was a low dose and I have seen no improvement, so today they upped her to double.  Scared about those side effects, but hoping something takes away her anger so I don't feel like I have to protect the other children from her.

Worried about my littles.  I hate spending so much time indoors, but it is way too hot to be outside for long and all they want to do is play Wii or watch tv. I am trying to be creative and keep them occupied (cheaply since I am unemployed) but I am not a good enough juggler to keep this circus running.

Lucky for me:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, 
    for his compassions never fail. 
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Sorry for this downer post, but I am trying to keep it real. someday I hope to look back, read this and praise God I survived.

Monday, June 11, 2012

The things we endure for our children

I am a wimp.  Plain and simple, I do not like pain and have a low tolerance for it(good thing I have never experienced childbirth) .  But I will endure a lot when it comes to one of these children I did not give birth to.

Today for example.  Baby boy had an EEG scheduled for 8:30 a.m.  Once all the electrodes were attached (all 25 of them) they wanted him to fall asleep.  Like you can make a baby go to sleep on command.  After 15 minutes of me laying half on top of this baby so he doesn't pull a plug and giving him a bottle, he is fussy and tired but not sleeping. My leg is trapped between the bed and guard rail, my left arm is growing weary of holding the bottle in an awkward position, and my right arm is going numb from leaning on it.  Finally, I told the tech that he is used to going to sleep as I hold him with a pacifier in his mouth.  So after some re=positioning,  I end up sitting on the bed holding him as he goes to sleep.  Now my back is killing me because there is no support for it.  I ask the tech how long the test is and she says only 1/2 an hour.

O.K., I am willing to be pinned, sore, tired, aching and numb for that long all for this sweet little boy. I will do whatever it takes.  :0)