Happy Halloween!

I know I am a bit late in posting, but as usual in my life, I have too much to do.  I am 6 months away from finishing my degree (after 27 years!) and homework is heavy.  I am such a procrastinator that I spend most late nights and weekends just playing catch up.  Halloween was fun for the kids.  We went to a party on Friday night before and on the 31st, we made a quick trip around the block and were done.  I am not very excited about Halloween.  It is just too much effort for me and I hate having all that candy in the house. The kids are whinier and so am I.  Good thing it only comes once a year, right?!
I am still at home, waiting for my home daycare license to arrive so I can open for business.  I plan on running my daycare for the next two years while homeschooling Amanda, finishing my degree and being home after school and holidays with Ben and Caitlyn.  I am still a foster parent, but have not had a placement in so long and now Catholic Charities may be getting out of the foster care business. (long story involving the my dumb state)  I want to keep a few spaces open because I would like to be a foster parent for a few more years.
that sums it up for this month.  I am looking forward to the upcoming holidays and making memories with my kids and being so lucky in this season to be home with them. 

Busy busy

Change.  That is what life is about right?  Well I have been making some big changes around here.  First, i quit my job... again.  It isn't that i didn't like my job but something radical needed to be done.  So I quit, mostly to homeschool Amanda.  So far it has gone pretty well.  I asked her today if she liked it and she said yes.  We will see how long that lasts.  I am waiting for my home daycare license to come so I can start providing care for a few kids.  On top of that, I renewed my foster care license with Catholic Charities.  The bad thing is, I am not sure they will be in business very much longer.  *sigh*  I really have some longings for new wee ones.  It has been a year since my last placement. :-(  I found out that after my last placement, the licensing person put me on "hold"  for new placements!  I was not happy.  I told her I could take one at a time, but no more since I was working full time and the job was not very flexible.    But since I am home full time, now would be the perfect time to use me for babies who aren't old enough for day care.  (Oh, how I want a baby)  I am not sure exactly when the Catholic Charities issue will be resolved (that is a long story)  but I keep praying every day for a new placement.  Ben and Caitlyn are both so very good with little kids and Amanda has been improving in her willingess and helpfulness with the little kids.  I am anxiously waiting and praying....

  while I have been waiting I have been painting.  I painted Ben's room and pulled off trim in the front room and fixed a few patches where I pulled paint off th wall.  Ha ha, don't ask!  Ben likes his room and now he has bunk beds (perfect for more kids) and lots of room to play on the floor... and maybe even enough room for a crib...

The good, the bad and the ugly...

It has been a wild few weeks!  To start with, I quit my job.  yep,  I did it.  I had only been there for 2 years, but i didn't love it and I have many more important things on my mind. 
#1 Amanda - since last school year was dismal, this year I thought I would do something radical and homeschool her.  We started last week. We are adjusting.  Some days she is compliant... some days not. so. much.  She wants to be in control and we all know that's not gonna happen!
#2 Me - I am trying to finish my degree and I have so much homework and papers and everything, I cannot fit it all in to one day. 
#3 Also me - I want to continue being a foster parent and I can't really take any placements when I have to work and/or study all the time.  I had a licensing visit today with Catholic Charities ( and that is another whole dilemma)  Hopefully things will work out and I will soon get a baby (or two) :-)
# 4 Ben - Kindergarten is off with a bang.  I love being able to get him on the bus and be home when he gets off the bus.  I love being able to be outside with him and play and be home on no-school days. 
#5 Caitlyn - I am hoping that by being with me more, which she loves, her  bad habit of screaming and throwing tantrums would get under control.  No luck on that yet *sigh*
I have been gone from work almost a month and I don't feel too panicky yet.  I have some money saved and I have subsidy money coming in so I am staying afloat financially but i will need income soon.  The funny thing is I am NOT worried.  I have said from the first that I TRUST GOD to provide.  I am trusting him and trying to be obedient and I don't feel worried (yet, lol)

School

Well, it's that time again.  Summer is over and school has begun.  We are trying something a little different this year.  My little man went off on the school bus to kindergarten.  I was nervous, but I didn't cry.  Then a few hours later, the wee girl got on the bus to go off to preschool. She gets to go in the afternoon this year.  The day passed quickly, and soon enough they were hopping off the bus and ready to play.  the thing that is different?  I am home to put them on the bus and get them off the bus and I will be homeschooling Amanda.  Last year was a disaster for her.  Academically, socially, emotionally.  So I followed the prompting I felt in my heart and I left my job.  Crazy I know.  I have applied (again) for a home day care license and will take a few kids during the day.  I have also started some online research for a business I am interested in.  I am also completing my bachelors degree and renewing my foster care license.  So far, three days in it is going well.  I got Amanda's curriculum today and can't wait to dig into that.  Until then, I am painting Ben's room and getting the house set up.  Crazy, different, but good.

Vacation

Last week I took the kids on vacation.... just the three and me.  I have never taken all the kids on a vacation by myself before.  I usually take my mom along for some help and relief, but this year I figured A was big enough to help out and B and C were big enough to listen and not need to be carried everywhere and everyone is potty trained (haha)
We had a great time in Branson, MO.  The six hour trip down there was easy, no major problems or delays.  We stayed in a nice hotel right on the strip with two pools.  The kids got to swim every day, although we chose the indoor pool since at the outdoor pool Ben got about 20 bug bites.  By the day we left, they were jumping in over their heads.  We went to Silver Dollar City and the Dixie Stampede and every place else we could think of. 

On the day before we left, we headed up to Nixa, MO to see my dear friend Kristi and her family.  I haven't seen Kristi in about 15 years.  What fun to be with someone like you never left them.  We are kindred spirits she and I. :0)  The kids had fun just playing in the park even though it was ridiculously hot.  This vacation went so well, I may take them on another one next year.

Foster Care

I have been a foster parent for 12 years.  In those 12 years I have had 17 children come into my home.  Some of them for a few weeks, some for a few months, or a year and three forever.  I miss some of them so much and I think I always will.  I haven't had a placement for about 9 months, which has been ok since I have been busy with school and work and life in general.  I have been saying for the past year or so that when my license came up for renewal that I wouldn't renew.  Well guess what?  My license expires this fall.  Guess what else.  I am renewing my license.  I just don't feel like I am done being a foster parent.  I want more children in my house.  My kids (the little ones) love it when new kids come to play.  I also have recently found this amazing online group of foster parent bloggers and I have been so relieved to find in them a kindred spirit.  Someone who has been in the same trenches as me.  Finally, I feel like it is my way to serve God.  I can't do much, but I can love on his children.  So, I am going back into the trenches of foster care.  Stay tuned for related news

Epiphany - this is a long post.

Recently, I wrote a letter to a friend of mine.  I felt this need to express something so profound to her, as a dear friend, I knew she would understand.  I never mailed that letter to her because I thought I might share it here because a. she would read it here anyway and 2. it makes a good blog post for everyone to read. haha.  My posts of late have been depressing and sad, but I am in such a better place right now and here is why.
I have been a Christian for many years.  I love the Lord and I do try to learn and grow in my faith.  But recently, I had this light bulb moment.  It was almost as though I heard the words out loud from God Almighty himself and I burst into praise and tears.  Are you ready for it?...... God loves me.  Not just me in the sense that I am one of his children and he made us and loves us and all the things I have known for years, but GOD LOVES  ME!  I have known and believed for years that Christ died on the cross for my sin, I have accepted his sacrifice and  I get that. but here is the thing, that wasn't the last thing he did to show me he loves me.  It was the first and by far the most important thing, but not the last.  Suddenly I get it and man, oh man, do I love him. When I look back over the years, the things I complained about or wasn't happy with, I now see as gifts from him.  My children, these three amazing, difficult, wonderful children.  Out of 17 foster kids, he chose to bless me with these three forver!  My single status has been a thorn in my side for yers, but now I see it as God saying to me " I love you too much to see you settle for less than my best"  I mean who's gonna love me like HIM?  My job, which I like ok, I chose it rather than take a risk that I felt I was called to do but was too afraid, God provided for me because he knew I was afraid . These past few weeks have been so different, so clear and full of JOY, I feel so free because I know nothing will separate me from this love.
So there it is for the world to see.  God loves me and nothing could make me happier.  I want to step out in faith now and see where God will lead me.  I am free to follow him with no fear because he loves me.  Pray for me in the coming months, I think there are radical changes ahead for us. :0)