Blessings

A few months ago I found out that because Ben & Cait's adoptions were finalized in 2010 and they were considered "special needs" adoptions, I am going to be the recipient of a rather large tax refund.  When I say large, I mean it will allow me to be debt free.  Yes, DEBT FREE!  This is huge!  This is answered prayer, I wondered why their adoptions took so long, God really knew what he was doing, I almost can't believe it, huge.  So, this amazing blessing (when the amendment to my taxes actually files)  leads me to wonder what exactly I should be prepared for.  It gives me such amazing freedom.  Freedom from the 8-5 grind, freedom to pursue a ministry opportunity I have been thinking about for years, freedom to serve God with abandon.(which I should be doing anyway, but I worry so much about the future)  I'm nervous.  I feel like God has something planned for me, something drastic. something my small brain will not be able imagine.... or maybe I'm just imagining things.  that's the problem, I just don't know.

And so, I wait and pray. and pray and wait.  Your prayers (whoever you are :-)  would be greatly appreciated as well. 

My princess

This girl is four years old today.  Every year I think back to what it was like when I found her.  Here is the story.  I knew her birthmother was pregnant since she was about 2 months along and still visiting with Ben (sporadically)  I knew the chances were good that she would have this baby placed into foster care since she has a long history with DCFS and Ben was still an open case.  I asked the caseworker every so often when she was due and what she was having.  He told me that she said she was due in May and she was having a girl.  Something deep inside me kept saying "April"  I don't know, maybe the voice of God. LOL.  but for a few months, I kept hearing April as her due month, I knew she was lying to the caseworker to buy time.  I happened to know where she was living at the time and it happened to be on my way to Wal-mart, so one day I just turned and lo and behold, there she was walking down to road in the rain, HUGELY pregnant.  I called the caseworker when I got back to work and told him I saw her and she was due not in May, but any time.
about 2 weeks after I saw her, she had the baby.  Now here is where it gets interesting.  I have a friend who had twins on April 10 so on April 12, I was on the hospital website looking for pictures of her boys.  suddenly i saw this baby girl and I knew it was her!  I did a little double checking and even called the hospital and asked for her birthmother by name, (yes, I am ashamed to say we hung up when she answered).  I notified the caseworker who did what he needed to do, and a few weeks later on May 15, my baby girl came home!  I drove around for a month with her carseat in my van and had her bag packed.  I just knew, that when the time was right, she would come home to me.  God has amazing timing.
Caitlyn Amelia Joy is such a blessing and we all love her very much.  Happy Birthday to my Princess!

I can't.........

When I put my mind to something I really want to do, I truly feel that I will accomplish it.  I wanted to adopt.  Things didn't go the way I planned originally, but I did adopt.  If I wanted a new job, I simply got a new one.  I thought it would be a good idea to buy a house, by myself, and I did it.  But for the past few years, nothing has gone like that.  I started a job that I initially loved, I was good at it.  but then a year into it something went terribly wrong.  It turned into a nightmare with a boss who berated and threatened me.  Sad thing is, I see him at church almost every Sunday.  We moved to Rochester thinking that the schools would be so great for Amanda.  It really has not worked out that way.  I don't love the schools, I don't love the church we go to (I like it, but there is no real connection for me). I quit my job thinking I would open a home daycare for a few years, but chickened out and took a job that I like but don't love.  I wanted to finish my degree, so I started taking classes again.  I don't like it, I am not doing as well as I would like and I just don't have enough time for anything.  I feel like I am failing at everything.  I remember a time when I felt JOY, not just happiness, but true God given, Holy Spirit JOY.  I don't know what happened to it, I don't know how to get it back.  I don't know what to do..........I feel like I am stuck  and treading water just waiting for I don't know what...

12

This is what 12 looks like........ sigh.  Part little girl, part too grown up for her own good. Attitude. Helpful, jealous, DRAMA.  On the bright side, I pray alot more (lol)  

Snow Days

Tomorrow schools will be closed for the third day in a row.  I think that is a record for Rochester schools :-)  Fortunately, I work at a school which has also been closed for two days so I have  been able to stay home without taking personal time.  We have tried to keep busy and today managed to get outside for a little while and drive to the little market to buy milk.  The laundry got done, the homework didn't yet.  sigh.  Ben got to build, Caitlyn got to color, and when Amanda wasn't confined to her room, she got to watch tv and play outside and stay up a little later.  I took a nap.  But this staying home is wearing us out.  We are a go, go, go kind of family.  Even if we don't have anything to do, we run to Walmart on the weekends just to get out or to the mall or somewhere to get us out of the house.  And now the weather is supposed to turn super cold which means the little kids will have to stay in. Man I hope daycare is open tomorrow!  We did have some fun, but we are really ready for spring!

A New Baby...

No, we don't have one.  But Ben wants one. ;0)  that little boy is so sweet and funny!  Every few days he asks me for a new baby, a boy baby.  I ask him if  he just wants another boy to play with and why it has to be a baby.  To which he responds " you have to grow them".  little does he know...haha.   Yesteday he told me he needed a new baby and I needed to get the "baby bullet" so I could make baby food.  Clearly he has been watching too many informercials!  While a new baby is not in the plans, if I could have another boy just like him, I would take him in a heartbeat.

2011 Resolutions

I don't normally make New Year's resolutions.  I've failed at them too many times to set myself up again. There is always to lose weight and get fit, but those are goals all year long not just in January and I usually fail.  So I've been thinking about how I would like change myself and what i would like my year to be like. 
This year I want to give more.  More money to charity and people in need. More tithe.(I'm really bad at this)  More time.  More time to my kids for doing what they want, more time to help at church or at the kids' school. I want to give more.  I have gotten too comfortable with my life and focusing on my little circle of family and friend.  I am shamed and inspired by a few blogs I follow by young women serving God so faithfully and trustingly.  I have no idea what He wants me to do, but I want to be open to GIVE MORE this year.  i will try and keep this blog updatged when I am challenged and stretched in the coming year.