I feel like I am always waiting. I don't like waiting. Waiting for the right guy, waiting for the right job, for the license, for the kids before I got them, for the kids now that I have them, for a sign that I am doing the right thing, to hear from God (again), for the right guy, for something truely amazing to happen to me.... the list goes on and on.
Most days I am ok with the wait knowing that God's timing is better than mine. But some days, I just want to act impulsively just so something happens. I don't anymore because I have seen the foolishness of this urge.
But there are days, oh. those. days., when I second guess every decision I have ever made, when the waiting is unbearable. That "right" guy, he's not coming and it kills me that my kids won't know what it's like to have a dad. That "right" job, well since I quit my job to stay home and homeschool Amanda and run a home daycare, I am not sure that is ever going to happen either. and no, I am not sure that this was the best idea, but I didn't really have a choice if I think about the alternative which just wasn't working.
That sign from God? I am pursuing Him for that. I have been reading (trying to read) a book by Pricilla Shirer called "Discerning the Voice of God", which is what I am trying to do. I read and pray, and pray and read and yes, WAIT. uuuggghh! I hate waiting. But really,what other choice do I have?