Am I crazy?

I like having four kids.  Does that make me crazy?  Yes, I am a single mom. I go to a lot of appointments for the kids by myself. When I go somewhere, like the grocery store, I take 2 or 3 of them with me.  People do give me strange looks and I get the usual comments "you have your hands full"  and if the people know me even a little bit and know I am a foster parent, I get the  ever-popular "I could never do it".  I have started answering them, "well, you know, I've learned in foster care IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU" .

Anyway, tonight I was picking up Ben from church and I had baby boy with me.  Someone who knows me very well and is a huge supporter of adoption and knows I have been a foster parent for 12 years was actually surprised when I said yes I would adopt baby boy if the case went that way.  I believe her exact words were "wow, 4 kids" (she and her husband have 6).  did she really think that after caring for this little angel for 1-2 or more years in foster care I would just hand him over to someone else to adopt?  She does not know me as well as I thought.  (oh, and she mentioned my age which really ticked me off, like I'm too old for a baby, which ok, I have thought too, but she didn't have to say it out loud. :0)

I still have 2 spots open in my license and by golly if the agency called me again, I might just say yes to another one!  (if they are potty trained! , LOL)  so, yes I guess I am crazy.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

We were soo busy yesterday.  In the morning we had to go shopping for a birthday present for one of Caitlyn's friends party that afternoon!  Yes, I took three kids with me.  Then yesterday afternoon, I took all 4 kids to the mall!  Because that is where the birthday party was at build-a-bear.  Wow, that was exhausting. I did manage to get some cute pictures of the kids in green.  Baby boy is doing just fine, he is pretty easy so far other than he is still getting up at 12, 3 and 6 for a bottle.  I am a night owl, but even I am getting tired. :-)  He had a checkup on Friday and his 2 month shots.  I had to take him to the free clinic (which I don't like) but I may try to switch him to a different doctor in a few months.  This week he sees the infectious disease doctor on Wednesday and the case worker is trying to get the WIC stuff switched over.
I found out a little bit more from the caseworker when she came over Friday afternoon.  Baby boy has a 2 year old sister who has been in foster care most of her young life and her foster mom and I are going to set up sibling visits on our own.  Caseworker also asked me if I would transport for visits (which I have never done before because I have always been working) I said I would, and hope I am ready for all that brings.
I really like this caseworker.  She is nice and couldn't wait to hold the little man, and she is also realistic about the situation with mom.  of course, the goal is to reunite,( and I support that if it's the right thing) but she did actually casually mention as she was leaving that "after years in foster care" would I be willing to adopt him.  Depressing and exciting all in one sentence.  oh, and of course I said yes. LOL.

Awkward

Today was finally the day.  After waiting over a week, the hospital finally released baby boy.  He will be two months old on Friday.  The caseworker(she's new and I like her!) and I had an appointment to meet at 9 am at the hospital and caseworker requested that mom not be there.  So of course she was.  Once we got up to the room and I realized she was in the room with the investigator, I stopped, backed up and waited in the hall.  This was going to be hard enough for her without me stepping on her toes (and probably being a target for her anger) Well, there was lots of crying... then some yelling... then throwing of things... an then finally security was called.  In the mean time, I am awkwardly standing by the nurses station with my diaper bag and car seat just smiling uncomfortably and waiting.

The nurses decided to get baby boy dressed and mom refused to give them any of his clothes she had with her.  Hmmm, good thing I had some in the diaper bag I brought.  While they dressed him, it was agreed that I should go pull my car around to the front door and leave with baby before mom left the hospital room.  Only it didn't quite work out that way.  As I am going down one elevator, mom is going down the other (she must have been walking behind me in the hall) and I was wondering what the screaming was all about that I heard.  Once I got outside, I saw mom and security guard go out a different door.

The hand off from the nurses went fine and baby and I made our way home.  Later in the afternoon, the caseworker and I went shopping for "stuff" he needs.  They are doing it differently now, it used to be I would get reimbursed for beginning essential supplies but now the caseworker meets you with the credit card and the tax exempt card and pays for everything.  I have to say we had fun! (it's always more fun spending someone else's money)  He is the sweetest thing.  He is only 8lbs but he has gained 4lbs in the month he was in the hospital!  I can't imagine how tiny he was.  Right now he is sleeping on my bed as I type.  The kids are so cute with him.  Ben was singing to him and rocking him tonight and Amanda can't get enough of him.  It has been so long since we had a placement, let alone a baby, I think it might take some time to get used to things, but we are ready.

I should have known

sigh. well, baby boy did not get to come today.  he is doing well they tell me, but the doctors want to keep him in the hospital until next Tuesday to get more antibiotics into him.  Finally found out why he has been in the hospital and why he had the MRI. He had meningitis!  Scary.  He will have been in the hospital for 4 weeks once I get to bring him home.  Praying for his healing.  I wish I could go up to the hospital and visit and rock him, but I am only the foster mom (note the sarcasm).  Oh, well all in God's timing. :-)

I suppose it's better over all since my Caitlyn has been sick for the past 3 days with a fever and terrible cough.  I took her to prompt care and they said, "looks like allergies to me"  really!  Are you people nuts!  I know I'm just the mom, but even I know better than that.  If she is not better by Friday, I am taking her to our regular dr.

I love being a mommy,  :-)

Somebody new

is coming tomorrow!  (probably, if his MRI looks good)  We are all quite excited and more than ready.

God can change lives!

I truly, honestly believe this to be true.  After re-reading my post from yesterday I realized how negative I sounded.  Yes, Amanda is difficult.  But, she is a child of God and he can change her, I know he can.  I pray constantly for her and for wisdom in raising her and to change me to maybe not set my expectations too high and be merciful and forgiving to her.  JUST LIKE HE IS TO ME.  Being her mother has taught me soooooo many things.  When I get irritated with her when she does the same thing over and over again and she knows it is wrong, I realized that I am just like her. 
How many times have I struggled with the same sin over and over again only to come crawling before throne begging for forgiveness?  And he forgives me, just like that. :-)
So yes, raising this child is a challenge (and that's an understatement) but maybe, just maybe God is trying to teach me (and her) a little something important and refine us to be more like he knows we can be.

I'm a little slow sometimes...

I just realized that my last post was on Amanda's 13th birthday.  I cannot believe she is a teenager!  and boy o boy is she acting like one (or at least what she thinks a teenager should act like)  She has been beyond defiant, rude, verbally abusive to me (calling names), writing on her body with pens and sharpie's (and sometimes purposely hard enough to cut the skin, she thinks she is tattooing herself), refusing to do schoolwork, lying about just about everything and just being an all around nightmare.  I have talked to her therapist about it with out much help.  This week I called my sister to come and get her so we could both get a little respite.  She will be back in 4 days.  I am going to enjoy all 4 of them.  Of course I will be busy cleaning and disinfecting her room, and basically taking away everything she owns except her bed, a blanket and some clothes.  She is coming back essentially on lockdown until she can earn back something.  Praying continually for some change in her.
On a brighter note, I got a call today about a baby.  He is still in the hospital right now very sick, but they wanted to arrange placement asap. I said yes, but we will see if this one actually goes through. Stay tuned
very soon, I will post some more pictures. :-)